Sometimes I feel like I am at the bottom of the important list and sometimes I feel like I am at the top.
It doesn`t feel nice to look at your myspace and see that you have nothing about me when if you look at mine I have all this stuff about you and showing how much I care about you. I at least have your name on my page.. I know I could never explain this to you, because Im pretty sure you wouldn`t understand and you would think I was just trying to be controlling or smothering, but it`s not that at all, because to do those things you do them out of anger. What I do it for is out of sadness and feeling like I am so small to you...
It hurts to know while im laying in bed and you knowing I am awake and will be awake for a little longer instead of trying to just spend a little time with me and talk to me, you come, slightly hug me give me a small peck of a kiss and then leave me sitting there. I wouldn`t care if I would have had just maybe 30 minutes with you that afternoon instead of spending it watching tv with your parents. It hurts to know you would rather come talk to her those minutes when your not playing tibia. To be laying in bed and hear you on the other side of the wall typeing and knowing you are talking to a girl that it seems makes you a lot happier than I could even try to make you. .. To know you think about how much you don`t get to talk to one another just hours after you have already talked to one another... To send little hearts and smiley faces to one another online and not have the time to comment me back if i leave you one just one.. or just put my name on your page with the rest of the things you like just showing I am something you like or love..  I just wish you could understand..

=(

it hurts, to know the one person you want to be with, to lay with, to hold, to brush their hair back from against their face when they turn is the one person who doesn..t want you any more. to know when they look into your eyes all they see are lashes and  eyelids. to know they don..t see what you see which is the soul of a person which has touched your soul in a way that you feel like in a moment of them in need you would spill out your insides just if it were to make them see how much they mean. They think you feel like you need them to be happy when in honestly you know you don..t need them, for anything much less happiness but instead of being in need you are in more of wanting to see this person just to see them smile, just to see them so that you can talk to them and not care what the subject is but just talk to hear their voice. there are so many things you can go without telling someone, and so many actions you can take to push them away. I have pushed that person that makes me feel like all of these things to the point of  almost being gone. How do you go back in time and change the things you..ve done? ... you cant. How do you make the person you..ve taken for granted notice that the love you have for them has changed you not in the way of changeing to where you feel like you need to in order to hold on to them but changed you in the way that you have learned and have grown to know the one person you..ve hurt is the one person who means the most to you? The things I..ve done are the things that hurt me the most, knowing things could have been different if I had not taken for granted the love I once had... To make them happy I would go to the end of the world,.. to make them happy I would let them do what they had too. There are so many things I want to say, not to try to hold on to the small strings of whats left but to let them know I never meant to lose myself that  I never meant to self destruct and take them with me.

What I would give to be able to lay beside you, to hold your hand and brush back your hair, to watch the sunlight brighten up your face to where I can see every color of blue splashed in your eyes. To know tomorrow I will still be able to look into your eyes, face and soul and know how lucky i am to be able to do so. What I would give just to show you that you are so much more than just skin and bones. What I would give just to have your love back to treasure and treat with the sensitivity it deserved in the first place.

Kalan Andrew Watson, I love you more than the words I could ever write down, and more than just some peice of company. I love you for you I love you for the way talk to me, i love the way you hold me, the way when you look at me your eyes are more beautiful than any landscape or ocean i will ever see.

but out of everything i just want to say thank you for just the chance to spend even if just a day, some kind of time to try to show you that this has opened my eyes to so many things, and the main ones being what you mean to me and how you should be treated as a lover, as a friend, and a blessing. I hope to show you some kind of happiness that you have shown me,..

thank you 
i love you                                                                                                       

The things I expect out of this year are:
- A new found happiness
- New friends, the old ones would be nice to have back. [beggers cant be choosers]
- To lose all knowledge of uncontrolable anger.
- Knowing of who to trust and who not too.
- Knowing everythings going to be ok without actually haveing to worry.
- A calming.

these are only a few things I have in mind, but Im hopeing for  a better year.
my lesson leard- Trust only those youhave known for years and years and do not trust those who do not put their faith in god but in 
trends.